She thought as she know- that it was all smooth, she had it all under control, her control;Rising up daily to a morning glass of whisky as I, at the time was accomplishing my first sessions of routine tasks as assignments by my supervisors at work.
To meet the bills, all of them was all that filled my mind,and table at home; Electricity, security, medical, phone, school fees, maid gas…
Having her hair done, nails a fine dress, a picnic with her friends, a visit to her family, new things in replacement of the old ones were her desires and unstoppable demand.
Marriage we had hoped for and happiness out of it we would achieve; my family on my neck for it, friends asking why I hadn’t yet. I had now achieved it and was facing it- happily?!
Blinded by her beauty at first was the spell that caged me from happiness, and ‘my peace of mind’; and now a change I noticed in her; Was she the one I once knew jumping with, as the crowd praised in admiration of ‘our love’ .I wondered if it was love still!…
Moody she could turn-out, as I mentioned a delay in payments of the bills or my failure ti acquire that desired ‘outfit’
I had swallowed my pain, pride, grieve, pride, anger, worry, tears, sorrow…that I still carried. I had indeed kept it all away not from her!, but from our two lovely kids- they were innocent.
What had blinded her from reading this?!- but she was meant to, understand me better, at least; I still too wondered why she hadn’t- This increased my worry!
This I live to still regret, every time our lovely kids pose the same question; “Why did you have to separate with mum?” to which I reply, we didn’t, we are just not living together. I can see the dissatisfaction on their innocent faces, but I back it up with, “You will soon enough understand this as you get older,” and I hope and pray they do.
Her?, I don’t know what she answers them!. I didn’t wish for this, the children, our children suffering from their parents’ guilt caused by what turns out to be a ‘split family’. It was meant to be ‘Till death do us apart’ but …