Divorce- Parents’ Selfishness

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

As always I ponder about reality; and marriage, relationships being one of them- yes, many do, and amazing it is.

Recently, in a conversation with Brenda, one of my students, she disclosed something that had for long been tormenting her- least she knew it was. Being raised by her only grandmother, her mom resides in Burundi and her Dad Rwanda-but distant from her, she has grown to see no feel of what a family of mum and dad is. Rarely does she make visits to them. She feels nothing wrong with putting up with her grandmother, something she is used to.

Been realizing, and among that vast issues surrounding and of course facing society; Divorce taking high ranks currently. Have you noticed how fast divorces are out weighing marriages in terms of speed and numbers! It no longer is wired, for a couple to divorce- as it used to be anciently- when this was considered unfit, shame and disgrace to families.

Divorce these days is legal, so a couple may happily or unhappily ‘File’ for divorce; the two can now make a legal separation, and feel, nothing- not guilty about the whole matter!.

See, reasons might be there, justifiable too. But it gets really painfully emotional when parents of a child divorce, children from ‘broken families’ face a lot of challenges through their time of growth and development; which it is here that they would count or look on to both parents for guidance.

All that leads to divorce isn’t in any way caused by a child, but it directly affects them; since a child now is a result of the couple’s union. So, aren’t parents opting for this through being selfish? , since they do it for themselves, their desires, relief…yet not taking the children into consideration!

In marriage, vows are made, before God, in front of thousands friends who witness all this being sealed with a ring and the lord’s blessing, for most these days, a few months or years along this road, the vow is broken-for a reason or two and DIVORCE is called for. What amazes me is that it is mostly through whisper that such happens and unlike the event before which involved thousands to witness; with Divorce only a one will- a lawyer, oh, the papers and a pen to seal it off. Shame!

Since today, children too count and unlike before, they possess a voice that can be heard legally; they too should be included among divorce discussions, to have a deeper say in it. That way, parents will more work well on bettering their relationship in marriage than facing that moment when a child would have a say on the divorce issue or else, many(parents) will face the law to answer charges related to divorce when they are sued by the children- since they are the most affected and hurt here!

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9 Comments

  1. The marriage institution today has been abused.There is alot of selfishness, materialism and it’s just becoming fashionable to get married forgetting the moral and ethical fibres of society attached to marriage. The church or religious leaders and cultural leaders have a noble obligation of helping our wounded society rediscover the beauty,love, sacrifice and the entire goodness embedded in marriage.

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  2. Its such a good article, very good. Analyzing it as a parent, this is what I think…
    You ve entirely put the blame on parents selfishness as the cause for divorce (affecting terribly the kids)! Honestly speaking, no parent (in the normal mind set) would want to vehemently hurt their kids just in the name of divorce! I think u need to encourage the parents to stay strong and steer still amidst every marriage challenges (they r so many u know), in order to realize successful parenting…

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  3. (I am terrible at summarising)

    Thank you for this wonderful piece. The content and style are of great value.

    Lately I have been analysing the influence of westernisation to the African society and this is an amazing platform to express my findings. If we had to look into detail we will see that divorce is more common in the western parts of the world, but lately, there has been viral sense of freedom to the African society in the field of Human rights and thus one thinks that they are entitled to do what they will. Little do they know that with freedom comes responsibility.

    This can be a positive thing too. As some women or men can be victimised in a marriage but now can freely leave. In the African culture it is rare to see a woman speak for themselves but it is starting to flee.

    One of the things I have seen in Rwanda is that people, young ones, are rushing to get married. The wedding day is more planned for than the marriage. ! yes. The food, the venue, the invitation card and Miss Who competing with Miss Who and woosh, the day is done but the lifetime marriage was not planned for. Yes I am 20 years old, beautiful, mature and independent but that does not mean its prime time to marry. I cant count how many times people ask me who I like and the wedding date. It is a night mare. we need to learn about us and then look for someone to learn about.

    Another thing, people try to change others in a marriage… It only takes Jesus to change one… Humans, we are weak.

    I would like to end off with a verse : Deuteronomy 24:5 If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

    …But who goes on honey moon for a year…
    well… blessed be the Lord all the days of my life.
    Thanks (I am terrible at summarising)
    Diana Musoni . dianamusoni.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

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