Category: Parenting

Xenophobia hits harder again- it’s just a tip of what goes on elsewhere

Dear South Africa, Nelson Mandela just fought against Apartheid, which similarly comprised of what your children are bragging with today(Bloodshed and discrimination)…


Women hold Wrath,and here is why(2)

A girl raised in family where her mother is physically abused by the the father. The beatings, screens and wails eachday.

Most girls, like sheep have been sold off-more by their parents-into unplanned marriages, since the men who desired them had money,  “Listen to me my daughter. Iam your parent,  and I know what’s best for you, “they stated.

To this day girls are waking up in realisation that they’ve for long lived under oppression and abuse. 

A girl since childhood is molested by her uncle, brother, her real father. She doesn’t enjoy it,  but again fears how society will turn against her if she uttered out a word about an abuse from with in. Again, what does she know?, she will assume.   ‘How dare you insult your father? ‘, they’d state.

Most ladies,  especially in marriage relationships, the pleasure of romance,  intimacy and sexual satisfaction is a fantacy(they only dream of,  or watch in TV Soaps), since to men, they are rather serving a role of quenching their sexual urge. 

A lady won’t get an office job or promotion,  since the proposed terms are ‘A night with the Employer’ -but again, some do.

A lady lost her job since she couldn’t give in to the desires of her male manager. 

Strange a girl would find it how at some cases,  she is told to report for an interview (not in public,  not during day,  yet not in the company of others),  but at a weired venue-a hotel or lodge. 

A lady was raped by her boss. In fear of losing the job,  she swallowed the pain,  gave birth- and carried on. She was fired from her job,  and couldn’t stand against the defiler. 

Another was decieved into sleeping with her employer-to-be. She got the job. Things went on as planned,  but not for longer- as the same criteria was used for another lady. Yes,  a broken heart she turned out to be. 

Imagine the many single mothers, doing all sorts of jobs as they raise their kids- whose fathers denied responsibility.

After her secondary level, she had to surely search for a job. A bar tender she was employed to be. But she learnt how her shift was twisted to night time. One day she was escorted back by a fine handsome lad-who seemed a good Samaritan. On her way,  her last memory before it all was taking a sip of a soft drink. 

Bedridden for 2 months,  investigations indicated how she had been raped by 6 men. She survived, but with a pregnancy and HIV/Aids. No one was brought to justice like the courts sayings state ‘there wasn’t enough evidence’. 

It turns out a suddening aspect how there are women, who haven’t stood up for girls or their fellows,  but rather set traps for them(that too is for another day post).

This all, and more, like a Cancer has eaten them up, drained their souls, that no more they still exist as gentle being’s, but betrayed personalities,thirsty for revenge.

From deeper experience, women today hold great wrath, which like never before might affect generations.

But for any success,  especially in restoring the plight of a girl-child and a woman,  it starts right from a family, the upbringing, and society systems, it’s a joint role.

Africans harnessing forced marriages (i)

Much as African- which was not long ago (though even to date) is referred to a primitive, backward society, and to a much more extent we’ve embraced modernity through ‘civilization’, marriage is  quite an institution that we’ve ignorantly tarnished with blunder.

Among the primitive habit still creeping through many is how the older generation is shaping the current- through which results are to be emulated by the next generation.It’s quite peculiar, weird, or interesting the issue of marriage get; as more emphasis has been place onto preparations for the ceremony (I mean walking down the Aisle) and may be yes- binding it legally- all the way to Divorce Issues(which are a trend too). But we’ve always looked up to and upon the older generation for inspiration…

One female friend of mine came out honest with me by whispering that, “Marriage is a business today…”-which she complemented with a wink of an eye.

Forced marriages is a growing custom eating deeper into African society today. Noticed how young men and women will in a nick of time flash out a wedding invitation (same manner as if its ‘just’ a business card), then next we’ll hear is how they are ‘happily married.’

Strange is that- even that best friend of yours, whose fiancée isn’t well versed with his or her mother-in-law’s both names is crowned mister or misses a month later.

Well even when buried, truth is how culture is remembered on realization that a girl or young lady is pregnant. See- families then gear up wedding preparations, further sealing it up all before the almighty ‘Till death do us apart’.

In religious ways(just as it is amongst most African traditions), its forbidden to first of all sin through fornication. Am just wondering how further it gets for an action of officially religiously  wedding a couple-which is expecting!

Forced marriages have since edges been amidst society, maybe not for the case of violation of ‘human Rights’, but for actually crucial reasons.

From the African ancient cultural point of view, customs were a core value, from which society was built. Norms and taboos were a focus; for instance boys or girls were trained to be real men and women through hard work (activities like hunting, cooking to marriage and parenting), while with age; as early as their teens, any lad or lass was seen ripe for the marriage institution-and so trained or shaped for it.

Though most parents and families have claimed not to face the ‘shame’ that comes from the taboo of teens giving birth before marriage and rather of leaving a couple to think it through by themselves), events following up forced marriages are toxic- a cancer eating up societies today. Why Divorces are a trend, broken families a lifestyle, yet domestic violence a repercussion too today all majorly roots from the fact that young, lost couples are wedded, then left out to embark on Marriage- which isn’t a piece of Cheese…

Andrew Israel Kazibwe is an African- Rwanda based writer- curious about life, and as a learner openly expressing unfolding issues about it…

Hiring Maids, an issue to closely look into, as KCCA faces blame

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

Gone is this week which has highlighted infants, neglect and brutality towards them. To social sites the topics have far more raised debates trough which wrath can more be tasted by parents and those in hopes of joining the line.
Earlier on was the sudden death of baby Ssemaganda an infant who was knocked dead by a reversing (Kampala City Council Authority) KCCA vehicle at the KCCA premises where the baby’s mother was being remanded after being arrested on charges of illegal vending of bananas.
The public, till now is brutal towards the tough restrictions city authorities are implementing. Of course as officials would claim, it was an accident (the baby’s death), and further led by the KCCA boss Jenifer Musisi apologised for the negligence, a contribution by the KCCA boss of 2 million Ug. Shillings, a sack of Rice, a sack of sugar and a 10-litre Jerry can of cooking oil were offered to the deceased’ family to help out with burial arrangements, which I hear were rejected. Of course this ‘contribution’, in the eyes of many, seemed more than ‘compensation,’ yet with life, this can’t be comparable.
The week has really ended in a more, further miserable mood, as a house maid was discovered by parents as she for long had victimised a little girl. With brutality she would batter the infant in a cold-hearted way. Through the video clip which is said to have been recorded by one of the parents through a cam, later making way onto local news Televisions and later onto social sites has raised a lot of concerns, not only in Uganda but elsewhere, thanks to severance cams, which many parents are to more rush for as a primary solutions to what has long been hidden, if any.

As I write or you read this piece, curiosity more rises of ‘Whether one’s child is safe back home’ or how safe children are in the hands of house maids or nannies.

We can less blame the parents for entrusting maids with lives of their children, but we further would not keep ourselves from thinking and asking why maids will turn out so evil!
It is true, due to the ‘burning’, tightening situation faced by the entire society, parents are better versed with their job descriptions than the lives they are meant to save. This doesn’t leave out the well-to-do families as these silently fall victims.
What would trigger a maid to turnout so reckless and cold-hearted is believed to be related to the employers-aren’t maids more passing on their grieve and ill treatment to the naive children?

How parents treat a maid more affects the lives of children they take care of. Most African maids aren’t trained to do so and many have no idea on parenting, yet parents aren’t closer to their children than they feel. So, what would one consider before, during and after hiring a maid?

Andrew Israel Kazibwe is an African Rwandan-based freelance Journalist , a learner, Arts enthusiast and advocate. Passionate about what goes on within lives, he shares whats within, around and closer to you. Its an Insight!!! 

Today’s Youth- A haunted Generation

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

What comes to your mind when the word ‘Youth’ is spotted, mentioned or come across?
I do endlessly ponder on it-since am part of the lot who may or may not have fallen victim of what haunts them. To me ‘Youth’ are power, courage, will, hope that comes to thought. For a minute or two,just think about it ‘YOUTH’
Isn’t it the youth who hold the largest percentage in population today, and unlike before, they are everywhere?
In this century, its them who have more been educated too and further well exposed to all sorts of knowledge that has led to many being haunted.

You must be wondering and pondering what haunts the youth. Yes, they dominate in population, education…then ‘unemployment’
leading to crime. See when youth were dragged to school (from way back in infancy to their powerful teens), they, we thought education was everything, and with education, that course, there was certainty that good employment was guaranteed then a good living. This didn’t last for long, because as the economies grew, so did the population but not jobs!

This is a spanning plague which is gradually eating up the strong African generation. I blame it on lack of career guidance which is a ‘dream’ in most African countries’ education curriculum yet the education acquired too doesn’t equip them enough to face the competitive job market. Youth today are taught and advised to’Study harder and qualify so as to get good employment’ and not to ‘create good jobs’. See, due to disappointments and bitterness resulting from the pain of ‘lack of employment’, any opportunity presenting itself will be snatched at ‘any cost’. Look at who dominate most wars, rebel groups, crimes, prostitution…
So, one can clearly visualise the picture of power, just as they can be mobilized to tear apart an economy so powerful, they can be in turn to build an economy to its might. Problem is that they are most thought of and needed in campaigns and election times.

Looking into the future, just a few years from now, who is to blame or not-for saving the generation so strong, yet disappointed from discovering how ‘Haunted they are’?

Andrew Israel Kazibwe is an African Rwandan-based freelance Journalist , a learner, Arts enthusiast and advocate. Passionate about what goes on within lives, he shares whats within, around and closer to you. Its an Insight!!! 

Divorce- Parents’ Selfishness

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

As always I ponder about reality; and marriage, relationships being one of them- yes, many do, and amazing it is.

Recently, in a conversation with Brenda, one of my students, she disclosed something that had for long been tormenting her- least she knew it was. Being raised by her only grandmother, her mom resides in Burundi and her Dad Rwanda-but distant from her, she has grown to see no feel of what a family of mum and dad is. Rarely does she make visits to them. She feels nothing wrong with putting up with her grandmother, something she is used to.

Been realizing, and among that vast issues surrounding and of course facing society; Divorce taking high ranks currently. Have you noticed how fast divorces are out weighing marriages in terms of speed and numbers! It no longer is wired, for a couple to divorce- as it used to be anciently- when this was considered unfit, shame and disgrace to families.

Divorce these days is legal, so a couple may happily or unhappily ‘File’ for divorce; the two can now make a legal separation, and feel, nothing- not guilty about the whole matter!.

See, reasons might be there, justifiable too. But it gets really painfully emotional when parents of a child divorce, children from ‘broken families’ face a lot of challenges through their time of growth and development; which it is here that they would count or look on to both parents for guidance.

All that leads to divorce isn’t in any way caused by a child, but it directly affects them; since a child now is a result of the couple’s union. So, aren’t parents opting for this through being selfish? , since they do it for themselves, their desires, relief…yet not taking the children into consideration!

In marriage, vows are made, before God, in front of thousands friends who witness all this being sealed with a ring and the lord’s blessing, for most these days, a few months or years along this road, the vow is broken-for a reason or two and DIVORCE is called for. What amazes me is that it is mostly through whisper that such happens and unlike the event before which involved thousands to witness; with Divorce only a one will- a lawyer, oh, the papers and a pen to seal it off. Shame!

Since today, children too count and unlike before, they possess a voice that can be heard legally; they too should be included among divorce discussions, to have a deeper say in it. That way, parents will more work well on bettering their relationship in marriage than facing that moment when a child would have a say on the divorce issue or else, many(parents) will face the law to answer charges related to divorce when they are sued by the children- since they are the most affected and hurt here!

Children Rights vs Parents’ Role

Children Rights vs Parents’ Role

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

Indeed gone they are, the times when parents had ‘a say’. In Africa, just like a proverb states it, “It takes a village to raise a Child.” So it was, the whole village could face blame and shame if indiscipline was sighted in a child; it was every adult’s role to standup in upbringing every child, just like a norm or a ritual. Considering today’s generation where; parents don’t request but beg, make no orders but painfully abide by what the young dudes desire…Is it all in the interest and respect of

Parenting them (net photo)
Parenting them (net photo)

‘Child rights’, obedience of the law? After thein 1989, governments worldwide promised to adopt to honoring and implementing children rights. This was and is based on what a child deserves and after the realization of the fact that most children suffered from conditions so important that bared them from happily and healthily living. Indeed, they had it all under control,they could lead the way, respect had a place, they were not generally looked at as just ‘caretakers’ Today, they’ve been exposed to vast sorts of information which are all in a bid to ‘protect their rights’; yes, ‘Human rights’ and children stand tall in fighting, for ‘their Rights’; and the parent is the victim here. The ‘Courts of law’ are their refuge in the name of protection, and it is the ‘adults’ behind all this. And when it is all said and done, children are not only let in exposure of privileges of ‘rights’ but to the worse today; crime, drug abuse, prostitution…so, they too fall victims. Referring to Paul J Preston, 2004-2012′ writing as he puts emphasis on parenting strategies;

They fall victims these days,who is to blame? (net photo)
They fall victims these days,who is to blame? (net photo)

basing on Thorndike, E. L.’s (1927). The Law of effect. American Journal of Psychology, 39, 212-222 he states, “Some parents will agree with only part of what I have said. They agree that children should receive reinforcement for desirable behaviors, but they disagree that children need punishments for undesirable behaviors. They think that punishment is cruel or abusive. They prefer to ignore bad behavior in the belief that it will just go away.” Pity is upon parents of the next two generations to come because today takes it’s roots and of course many will look on… So, is parenting a pride still?