Category: Relationships

Women hold a Wrath,and here is why(2)

A girl raised in family where her mother is physically abused by the the father. The beatings, screens and wails eachday.

Most girls, like sheep have been sold off-more by their parents-into unplanned marriages, since the men who desired them had money,  “Listen to me my daughter. Iam your parent,  and I know what’s best for you, “they stated.

To this day girls are waking up in realisation that they’ve for long lived under oppression and abuse. 

A girl since childhood is molested by her uncle, brother, her real father. She doesn’t enjoy it,  but again fears how society will turn against her if she uttered out a word about an abuse from with in. Again, what does she know?, she will assume.   ‘How dare you insult your father? ‘, they’d state.

Most ladies,  especially in marriage relationships, the pleasure of romance,  intimacy and sexual satisfaction is a fantacy(they only dream of,  or watch in TV Soaps), since to men, they are rather serving a role of quenching their sexual urge. 

A lady won’t get an office job or promotion,  since the proposed terms are ‘A night with the Employer’ -but again, some do.

A lady lost her job since she couldn’t give in to the desires of her male manager. 

Strange a girl would find it how at some cases,  she is told to report for an interview (not in public,  not during day,  yet not in the company of others),  but at a weired venue-a hotel or lodge. 

A lady was raped by her boss. In fear of losing the job,  she swallowed the pain,  gave birth- and carried on. She was fired from her job,  and couldn’t stand against the defiler. 

Another was decieved into sleeping with her employer-to-be. She got the job. Things went on as planned,  but not for longer- as the same criteria was used for another lady. Yes,  a broken heart she turned out to be. 

Imagine the many single mothers, doing all sorts of jobs as they raise their kids- whose fathers denied responsibility.

After her secondary level, she had to surely search for a job. A bar tender she was employed to be. But she learnt how her shift was twisted to night time. One day she was escorted back by a fine handsome lad-who seemed a good Samaritan. On her way,  her last memory before it all was taking a sip of a soft drink. 

Bedridden for 2 months,  investigations indicated how she had been raped by 6 men. She survived, but with a pregnancy and HIV/Aids. No one was brought to justice like the courts sayings state ‘there wasn’t enough evidence’. 

It turns out a suddening aspect how there are women, who haven’t stood up for girls or their fellows,  but rather set traps for them(that too is for another day post).

This all, and more, like a Cancer has eaten them up, drained their souls, that no more they still exist as gentle being’s, but betrayed personalities,thirsty for revenge.

From deeper experience, women today hold great wrath, which like never before might affect generations.

But for any success,  especially in restoring the plight of a girl-child and a woman,  it starts right from a family, the upbringing, and society systems, it’s a joint role.

To you, the woman I cherish

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

Speechless I turnout to be if told to compare you… To you the woman who welcomed the idea of cherishing this feeble body that God had granted the greatest gift- life. And through those arms, you daily from day one connected with me, to understand me more-no doubt you know better.Watching me make my first step, smile and all effort lighted up your face.

A painting on Canvas by Antonaire Nshimiyimana at Yego Arts Center in Kigali, photo by Andrew Israel Kazibwe
A painting on Canvas by Antonaire Nshimiyimana at Yego Arts Center in Kigali, photo by Andrew Israel Kazibwe

It wouldn’t be unfair if I don’t look back at it all and return, just to thank you. So passionate  find them to be, so collected, considerate, calm a real woman is, that at this thought of her, all settles out…She is a remedy to most. A path for life, a soothing being, companion, teacher, inspiration, drive, an allure she is, indeed so uncomparable To you, the woman who has felt so compassionate, tender, loving and has listened to my pain, shared my dreams, bought all those flirts and complements, made me smile and feel cherished… To you, a women worth to be cherished, even when abused, neglected or holding the feeling of ‘lost’, to you the neglected, but hold that one thing so unique- being a woman…With love you should be complemented, respected and awarded. To you, Oooh the woman I cherish!!!

Andrew Israel Kazibwe is an African Rwandan-based freelance Journalist , a learner, Arts enthusiast and advocate. Passionate about what goes on within lives, he shares whats within, around and closer to you. Its an Insight!!! 

When your Boss takes social site matter of things personal

Before, all was well, since everybody was innocent, reserved and naive about it all; that was a time when Social media or sites (Facebook, Twitter…blah blah blah…) were a mystery. See, in offices only a few, those privileged would and were entitled to use that ‘desk phone’, and in most offices these machines had specified people to operate them.
I mean those times when the word mobile phone had not yet made way into society’s vocabulary. It’s through only letters, telegraphs and face to face conversations ruled the ways of socialising, sharing and interacting. Of course much, yet not much could be attained as people met or connected.
When social sites showed up, even before society knew what ‘socialising’ encompassed, it dashed for it.

A friend of mine nearly lost her job when her Facebook friend furiously carried their social conversation on a topic all the way into office; oh, her Facebook friend was her boss-who she had honoured his friend request and accepted it. To her she vowed never to accept a ‘Request from an Employer’, she opted to unfriend her Boss, but was it the best thing to do?-it was too late!

See, social sites help us connect, share and more get to know each other. Would you like being that employee whose boss pokes his nose into social affairs, which is fine but further take matters personal?!. I don’t think it’s right to act the bossy way on that social site, even when you have employees. But also respect should be into consideration, to keep ones’s image.

So, what would you do if you saw that friend request from your employer?

My Wishes, my Dream

Its always been my wish, a wish am ever dreaming of-not day dreaming but dreaming…My strong feeling of thought that I hold onto with that calmness embedded with passion, that people around don’t share…

I wish I could switch places with your shadow, cause I envy it-see it is ever with you and will follow you, besides you even when you rarely take recognition. 

I wish we could switch places, so that you’d have a feel of what am in, and maybe could make you love me; If I was you and you were I, in love-then I’d sacrifice to stay in such a dream and never to wake up.

I at times keep whinging to the creator and myself; why we(you and I) won’t share this rich dream of sensation; looking deep into each others’ eyes to connect and evoke all that used to be,way back in our young days of innocence when our bodies were full of life, real life.

I wish this wish could turn into a reality dream.  

Divorce- Parents’ Selfishness

By Andrew Israel Kazibwe

As always I ponder about reality; and marriage, relationships being one of them- yes, many do, and amazing it is.

Recently, in a conversation with Brenda, one of my students, she disclosed something that had for long been tormenting her- least she knew it was. Being raised by her only grandmother, her mom resides in Burundi and her Dad Rwanda-but distant from her, she has grown to see no feel of what a family of mum and dad is. Rarely does she make visits to them. She feels nothing wrong with putting up with her grandmother, something she is used to.

Been realizing, and among that vast issues surrounding and of course facing society; Divorce taking high ranks currently. Have you noticed how fast divorces are out weighing marriages in terms of speed and numbers! It no longer is wired, for a couple to divorce- as it used to be anciently- when this was considered unfit, shame and disgrace to families.

Divorce these days is legal, so a couple may happily or unhappily ‘File’ for divorce; the two can now make a legal separation, and feel, nothing- not guilty about the whole matter!.

See, reasons might be there, justifiable too. But it gets really painfully emotional when parents of a child divorce, children from ‘broken families’ face a lot of challenges through their time of growth and development; which it is here that they would count or look on to both parents for guidance.

All that leads to divorce isn’t in any way caused by a child, but it directly affects them; since a child now is a result of the couple’s union. So, aren’t parents opting for this through being selfish? , since they do it for themselves, their desires, relief…yet not taking the children into consideration!

In marriage, vows are made, before God, in front of thousands friends who witness all this being sealed with a ring and the lord’s blessing, for most these days, a few months or years along this road, the vow is broken-for a reason or two and DIVORCE is called for. What amazes me is that it is mostly through whisper that such happens and unlike the event before which involved thousands to witness; with Divorce only a one will- a lawyer, oh, the papers and a pen to seal it off. Shame!

Since today, children too count and unlike before, they possess a voice that can be heard legally; they too should be included among divorce discussions, to have a deeper say in it. That way, parents will more work well on bettering their relationship in marriage than facing that moment when a child would have a say on the divorce issue or else, many(parents) will face the law to answer charges related to divorce when they are sued by the children- since they are the most affected and hurt here!

Dating, courtship -an institution we could take courses from


Wekipedia defines Courtship as the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval.

In the past, courtship was more of formal, especially in the African society, where parents were more into play, I mean they could do almost everything; from the search, finding and discovering more who the partners really were and the families they were from; of course desired were a hard worker, disciplined and of course wealthy families since ‘the elders knew best then’

As advances in ‘civilization’ came, that culture has been seen off dying; some parents had their motives that weren’t shared with the children to be married and the children (youth) too have become ‘civilized enough’ to do it themselves.

Courtship Today

This is a mixed up fantasy that is handled by two; discoveries done, experiences shared and the decision is done shortly. Unlike as it was traditionally, it could take some really good time; imagine for some, watching over the young from their infancy, with close follow up to their youth and a decision could finally be made.

With short term courtships, many young couples may way into the big meant to be long life marriage commitment after dating for a few months. The youth are so stuck in lust, backed up by other hidden intension mistakened for love.  

What it’s meant to be

The actual picture of courtship or Dating if painted is meant to be a reality that requires real commitment and dedication since it gives an insight into what a real marriage would be in future. Marriage is a life commitment between two people and religiously before God and people as witnesses.

Today, relationships leading to marriages are more based and determined on ‘visible aspects’; money, appearance and other physical possessions count more. The ‘invisible, yet very crucial aspects’; behavior, culture, belief… are set aside. Maybe today’s generation, unlike yesterday’s youth are born too blind, without eyes; not those ‘eyes’, which explains why today many are ‘married’, but not ‘happily married’!

Time is a crucial aspect in courtship; short term courtships haven’t been seen to lead to strong, long lasting commitments to marriage by most relationships. Courtships were long ago treasured because during courtship the couple isn’t meant to indulge into any physical contact, they both treasure this as more is discovered and with dating a couple freely associate, even physically, so in most cases creating biasness. In such relationships especially as they are today in most cases, marriage isn’t thought of as a lifelong treasure.

With today’s societies that even create free environment for marriage breakups through the married easily filing for a DIVORCE without any time consent, lesser can be hoped from what lies ahead of future marriages.Pity is that youth today Trek trough the entire experience all by themselves and the elders, a few exist and a big gap between, making them out of reach. So big the institution is that real training we need for saving that long life commitment it!  

Marriage Ring To Suffer-Ring


She thought as she know- that  it was all smooth, she had it all under control, her control;Rising up daily to a morning glass of whisky as I, at the time was accomplishing my first sessions of routine tasks as assignments by my supervisors at work.

To meet  the bills, all of them was all that filled my mind,and table at home; Electricity, security, medical, phone, school fees, maid gas…

Having her hair done, nails a fine dress, a picnic with her friends, a visit to her family, new things in replacement of the old ones were her desires and unstoppable demand.

Marriage we had hoped for and happiness out of it we would achieve; my family on my neck for it, friends asking why I hadn’t yet. I had now achieved it and was facing it- happily?!

Blinded by her beauty at first was the spell that caged me from happiness, and ‘my peace of mind’; and now a change I noticed in her; Was she the one I once knew jumping with, as the crowd praised in admiration of ‘our love’ .I wondered if it was love still!…

Moody she could turn-out, as I mentioned a delay in payments of the bills or my failure ti acquire that desired ‘outfit’

I had swallowed my pain, pride, grieve, pride, anger, worry, tears, sorrow…that I still carried. I had indeed kept it all away not from her!, but from our two lovely kids- they were innocent.

What had blinded her from reading this?!- but she was meant to, understand me better, at least; I still too wondered why she hadn’t- This increased my worry!

This I live to still regret, every time our lovely kids pose the same question; “Why did you have to separate with mum?” to which I reply, we didn’t, we are just not living together. I can see the dissatisfaction on their innocent faces, but I back it up with, “You will soon enough understand this as you get older,” and I hope and pray they do.

Her?, I don’t know what she answers them!. I didn’t wish for this, the children, our children suffering from their parents’ guilt caused by what turns out to be a ‘split family’. It was meant to be ‘Till death do us apart’ but …